Monday, December 27, 2010

A Long Winter's Nap

ZZzzzzzzzz -------------
Napping is what I seem to be doing the majority of the time these days. Not by choice mind you, but finding the energy and motivation to do much of anything has been a struggle over the past months.

As evidenced by my previous post my cognitive abilities are much less than they were even at the beginning of this year. Composing posts used to take a long time, mainly because I have a hard time coming up with the precise words I want to use (in my mind I know what I want to say but the word is maddeningly elusive), but now the whole process has slowed greatly.

Still, every once in a while I'm sharper, I have energy, and actually feel like getting things done and/or getting out of my apartment. When it happens I try to take advantage of it and get all the chores like cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, kitchen & bath) done. Before the effects of diabetes complicated things I would do a lot of writing during these periods, but since then it's like someone opened up my brain and poured molasses inside (this post took me over 3 hrs to complete).

I'm posting this because I feel like I need to let people know why my activity has been even slower than usual (and more disjointed) and kind of depressing. I really want to post a bunch of much more positive and interesting things, honest! 

It's funny (not really, but..) when I lay down for a nap my mind starts thinking about all kinds of things. It's much more focused than when I'm up and about. But if I try to write down notes or even put it on tape I can't get past the first one! The process of doing that seems to disrupt the original thoughts (like a computer log set so low that it 'overwrites' itself). If there was a way of recording thoughts (passively) directly from my brain it would be such a help. I'd be willing to bet that in the future it will be possible, and by the time that happens getting it from a clinical/research setting to an affordable consumer device will be the easy part.

Now that I think about it, by the time [that] is possible scientists should have a much clearer picture of how brain chemistry works, hopefully developing much more effective treatments for things like depression, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc.. Perhaps some combination of gene and neurogenesis treatment..


So now, tomorrow I go to talk about changing primary care physician and working on a more effective personal care plan (is that what it's called?) between health care providers and myself.
I need some kind of support 'cause all this is really hard to accomplish and deal with on my own..... I don't even have a pet

NOTE TO SELF: Make your next post much more positive!