A Quick Recap of the Past Year or So

 The past couple of years seems like a blur as I begin to recall them. 

I'll start with when I decided to stop all my meds except for my antidepressants. I was so sick of all the needle sticks and side effects, and this was the early days of the pandemic when doctors' offices were becoming empty and I hadn't had any communication with the doctor for many months.

I can't recall the details at all, but things seemed fine as far as I could tell.

Around [?] the same time Massachusetts legalized cannabis and I started consuming it as an adult recreational consumer. That was when I decided to lose weight. I was around 220 lbs and the extra weight was causing me serious health problems.

I decided to cut out all the junk foods I'd been eating. The chips and diet coke and so many other snacks needed to go. So that's what I did. I limited my 'snacks' to saltine crackers (with natural peanut butter / salsa). Water became my main drink of choice. I started losing weight and it continued until 2021 when my skin started itching all over and I was turning yellow (which I didn't notice for quite a while, then ignored foolishly). An acquaintance finally persuaded me to go to the doctor about it and that's when we discovered that I had a big problem with my liver. It had clogged up so badly that doctors had to insert a couple of stents in my bile ducts so [it] could start draining and we could start eliminating all the bile salts in my skin that were making me itch.

When they did some scans to see what was going on they discovered that I had pancreatic cancer (stage ll). At that point, I was getting close to my weight goal but suddenly dropped another 10+ lbs. I eventually started chemo and continued that for 5-6 2 week cycles. Chemo was rough, the nausea/sweating was overwhelming during the in-hospital chemo sessions and they couldn't fix it with other drugs.

Then one night I woke up to go to the bathroom. At the same time, I was having a stroke but I didn't realize it. I went to call for help later but the wireless pendant I'd been given couldn't connect... I ended up calling for help using my landline. Fortunately, the stroke was on my non-dominant side and 6 mos later I've recovered *most* of my capabilities but I've lost fine motor control of my left hand and also most of my (former) musical abilities, including thought and vocalizing (and of course guitar fingering).

The stroke was evidently caused by a blood clot caused because the lack of pumping strength of my heart which is around 30% of normal and atrial fibrillation (and something about a hole in my heart that should have closed up as I grew but didn't). There's also a possibility that chemo weakened my heart further.

I had stopped chemo because of the side effects and thoughts of long-term damage ruining any quality of life during the 2-5 years I possibly have. I had decided to go ahead with surgery, but because of the stroke that was not possible. It's still not possible because of my heart issues (ongoing treatment to strengthen the heart muscle). So I'm in limbo right now.

A couple of years earlier I'd gotten my medical cannabis certification. Cannabis has helped so much. During the chemo (at-home) I found that I didn't need to take most of the anti-nausea medications I was given. They were successfully replaced by cannabis for easing both nausea and the lack of appetite.

All this happened in the middle of an ongoing pandemic. As far as my former medications go, all the diabetes meds are no longer necessary as my A1c is back to normal. The medication for acid reflux that I'd been taking for 10 years is no longer necessary and the only meds I'm taking now are Lisinopril, Atorvastatin, Ecotrin, and Paxil (and of course dry vaped cannabis).

Weight chart from MyNetDiary

If you look at the current part of the graph it shows that I've maintained my weight between 155 and 160 to this day.

I believe that cannabis has helped me to maintain thoughtful eating habits, and (mostly) keep my mental health stable throughout the pandemic and the insane political climate both here and abroad.

That's enough for now. Next time I might get into my recent embarrassing freakouts on Twitter. I need to familiarize myself all over again with Blogger so it doesn't take me so long to use (like inserting photos/video).

- Thanks for reading

A Long Winter's Nap

ZZzzzzzzzz -------------

Napping is what I seem to be doing the majority of the time these days. Not by choice mind you, but finding the energy and motivation to do much of anything has been a struggle over the past months.

As evidenced by my previous post my cognitive abilities are much less than they were even at the beginning of this year. Composing posts used to take a long time, mainly because I have a hard time coming up with the precise words I want to use (in my mind I know what I want to say but the word is maddeningly elusive), but now the whole process has slowed greatly.

Still, every once in a while I'm sharper, I have energy, and actually feel like getting things done and/or getting out of my apartment. When it happens I try to take advantage of it and get all the chores like cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, kitchen & bath) done. Before the effects of diabetes complicated things I would do a lot of writing during these periods, but since then it's like someone opened up my brain and poured molasses inside (this post took me over 3 hrs to complete).

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I'm posting this because I feel like I need to let people know why my activity has been even slower than usual (and more disjointed) and kind of depressing. I really want to post a bunch of much more positive and interesting things, honest! 

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It's funny (not really, but..) when I lay down for a nap my mind starts thinking about all kinds of things. It's much more focused than when I'm up and about. But if I try to write down notes or even put it on tape I can't get past the first one! The process of doing that seems to disrupt the original thoughts (like a computer log set so low that it 'overwrites' itself). If there was a way of recording thoughts (passively) directly from my brain it would be such a help. I'd be willing to bet that in the future it will be possible, and by the time that happens getting it from a clinical/research setting to an affordable consumer device will be the easy part.

Now that I think about it, by the time [that] is possible scientists should have a much clearer picture of how brain chemistry works, hopefully developing much more effective treatments for things like depression, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc.. Perhaps some combination of gene and neurogenesis treatment..

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So now, tomorrow I go to talk about changing primary care physician and working on a more effective personal care plan (is that what it's called?) between health care providers and myself.

I need some kind of support 'cause all this is really hard to accomplish and deal with on my own..... I don't even have a pet

NOTE TO SELF: Make your next post much more positive!

Oh yeah, I'm "Still Alive and Well ..."

Glucose meters

Yes I'm still here.. Despite the recent diagnosis of diabetes mellitus (type 2), the finger pricking, the insulin injections (& medication Metformin), and the associated change in lifestyle, I'm adapting .... slowly.

From a starting point of my 'A1C' at 15% and a blood glucose of 586, I'm now down to 8.2% (A1C) and my morning/fasting glucose measurements averaging 110. In fact just recently I had my first *low* fasting measurement of 67 (which I quickly got to 100 with a small glass of grapefruit juice).

The [hyperglycemic] effects on my brain & eyes have returned to "normal" (a matter of  opinion, I know..), and that's a relief! For a while I couldn't see well enough to do much of anything, and my brain was so *fuzzy* that I didn't feel like doing anything anyway. I've even regained some color in my toes although they're still constantly cold and cramp all the time (btw, is there such a thing as an electric blanket for just the foot of the bed?). I don't like wearing socks when I sleep, but I don't want to use a full-sized electric blanket.

I've just recently started to get back to checking my Twitter feed and posting comments occasionally but I'm finding that keeping up with email, Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, News etc. in addition to the new health maintenance tasks is often too much. Energy is one thing that's in short supply but I'm taking advantage of it when it's available.

I have grown to appreciate & rely on some of the many 'reminder' utilities available for the computer to keep track of bills, appointments and the like. Multiple alarm clocks help too.

One of the things I pictured in my mind when I was told that I'd have to take insulin was filling a syringe from a bottle of insulin kept in the fridge. Thankfully I was started on something called a "Flexpen", which is a pen-like device prefilled with insulin. All I have to do is screw on a tiny disposable needle and set the dosage! It's really simple. The hardest part was choosing an 'injection site' and remembering where the previous one was until I made myself a chart/grid and numbered the different locations so I could enter the location into a log.

On a less positive note, once I started researching diabetes (and my other issues like hypertension and family history of [that], depression, and Alzheimer's/dementia), the clinical research paints a fairly bleak & uncertain future. The combined 'risk factors' I have are all interconnected it seems.

I'm thinking that I definitely want to get as much accomplished as I can, while I can.. That'll be a challenge for a serious procrastinator like me! 

Thankfully my father had a saying that I've been able to embrace, especially since he passed away. "Keep smiling" (whether you feel like or not..) was something he always told me when I left his home. That and the ability to laugh at myself are so helpful in my solitary existence (and I've given myself plenty to laugh at lately).

I truly wish that the feeling of community and compassion that existed all too briefly after the attacks on 9/11 could be regained. The divisiveness and polarizing atmosphere that just seems to have grown exponentially over the years since then thanks in part to the extremists on the right and fanned by insensitive, dishonest & dangerous rhetoric spewed by the likes of Fox News-(in name only), Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, the GOP, et al..

And I'll finish that thought with the failure of (the majority of) the 'media' to have the guts to truly do their job and point out the fraud & lies from the right instead of claiming some kind of  'equivalency' between the left and right messages. Bob Cesca says it well in his "Killing the False Equivalency 'Both Sides' Meme".

The Democratic Party | Children's Health: Overturn the Veto

The Democratic Party | Children's Health: Overturn the Veto: "If we can get 2/3 of Congress to stand up to President Bush, we can overturn his veto on the State Children’s Health Insurance Program—a program that provides health insurance for millions of kids. We need your help to get those votes. Use the tool to the right to contact your members of Congress and tell them to reject Bush and fight for children."

Here's a copy of the letter I sent:

Dear Sirs,

In your hearts you all know the right thing to do. As my subject line says "Please don't let politics get in the way", and I sincerely hope that every one of you will put the divisive politics of the past aside and help over-ride this unconscionable veto by President Bush.

The folks that this will help already have enough to worry about. They shouldn't have to avoid taking their children to the doctor because they can't afford it, and the children shouldn't be caught in the middle.

What does it say when we're spending hundreds of billions of dollars on a 'military action', billions of which can't even be accounted for, and neglect the needs of our children and poor.
Thank you. I know you'll do what's right.

Sincerely,

TR Daggett
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Please help to get the Presidents veto overturned. Go to this web site and send your own letter to your state's representatives, and remember to be concise and polite.